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It was a causal discussion during lunch one day that got me thinking…. and as I pen it down today, the idea is becoming just all the more alive….

I will start with a very simple question….“What is most personal to a man??”

His self…isn’t it!?!?!?!

But a look at people around and you realize that it is often the most “taken-for-granted aspect” of life. Everyday we witness so many people around us baring it all to the known, the unknown and more so lending it to them to judge it and if that was not enough, to allow them change it according to their ideas and ideals…and the intention behind this…approval of those around! Doesn’t this seem outright strange and your first reaction to this being….“this is not me, certainly not me”.

However, some inner reflection and you realize that this could probably be you, though not all of you… J

Anyway, leaving aside introspections for another day…lets just talk about this a bit more…

Every single day of our life we come across people ("we" included), whose only aim is to seek the approval of others…when a kid, we seek the approval of our family as being obedient and hard working; we seek the approval of our friends as being caring and understanding; we seek the approval of our teachers as to our dedication towards studies, our intelligence; and as we grow this number keeps growing exponentially…

At every stage in life, at every moment, we seek the stamp of approval from people we know, as also of people we don’t. Our lives are spent in a constant bid to be acknowledged by the society, by family, friends, acquaintances and most of all, the unknown man on the street.

Well, does the concept seem too far-fetched…???? Let me tell you…it is not and show you how..

Our days are filled with the expectation of hearing a good word about ourselves. When we are in the office, we want our bosses and fellow colleagues to think of us as dedicated, hard working and helpful. Our day is made when someone turns around to say “hey dude…good job!”. However, a day when we know, deep inside, that we have given our best to the project and worked real hard and took of time off our busy schedule to help a co-worker, is of no significance as nobody mentioned the same. We get flustered and frustrated when our work isn’t appreciated.

Similarly, at home, a wife is upset with her husband since her work and her sacrifices for the family are not appreciated. The smile on the husband’s face, when he comes to a well-kept house and sighs with relief to be home with family, at last after a long day, is certainly not enough for the lady of the house. More importantly, her own feelings about her work, her dedication towards her family, her love for them and her perception about the same is utterly inconsequential. She needs to be told that she is doing a great job and that her husband is really happy and proud of her and glad to have her by her side.

The real life examples don’t end here…when people plan their marriages, they intend to have a “perfect marriage”. Well, isn’t a perfect marriage all about a happy couple sharing their lives together? Then, why do people perceive a marriage, which is conducted in an expensive hotel, with pretty decorations, delicious food, a beautiful bride with lots of jewellery and a marriage procession with big crackers, a ‘perfect marriage’?

Why do people want to be considered successful and not really care about what success means to them? Success has very different connotations to people, while some think of money as success, for others it is fame, for yet others it is contentment. How many people around who want to be successful in life, really know what is it that they want out of life, except being “successful”? People measure their success against the bench marks in the society; their success is aping the life of others; others who are considered by the society as being successful.

Our idea about life and happiness is all skewed. People live in and through the eyes of another. The perception of others about ourselves precedes our thoughts and notions about ourselves. In a bid for approval, people forget their own selves. People all around are, at all times, only trying to be someone else, someone who would be liked, respected and loved. The reflection in the eyes of the society has taken centre-stage and as a result the self is distorted and is moulded and re-moulded, day-in and day-out, in order to be accepted by people.

I fail to understand….

• Why is there is mad race around for people to get the stamp of approval from people who matter, as also people who don’t??
• Why do we need to be thought of as a good human being, and very importantly, revel in such perceptions with no thoughts to the real us??
• Why isn’t our perception of ourselves sufficient to keep us happy and content??
• Why are things important only when so proclaimed by people around…??
  

These are questions which can be answered only be a “self” that exists and that is pure…and not one that is borrowed or is shaped on the thoughts of another...but Oh!! isn’t that a real rarity to find such “self” these days…???

Well…as my mind takes on another turn as to the other aspects of this ‘perception building exercise’, I leave you guys here to drift off and ponder over these thoughts and I promise to be back with more in days to come…